Where I’m At

I have many insecurities.

Of failure.

Of the way I look.

Of what others think of me.

 

I was once told by a fellow believer/supervisor at work that I wasn’t good at what I do. And that may be true, but I didn’t do any better after that- because I felt like a failure. It’s just what happens when someone tells you to give up, there’s no point in trying anymore. I tried to find favor in her eyes after that. She was my foot in the door for that job, and in the end it was the reason I left.

When she said she was embarrassed to call me a believer was the last straw. Now her half-hearted “hi, how are you”s – are nothing but knives in my heart.

 

I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself, of not being good enough or pretty enough.

I don’t need that.

What I need is friendships that build me up, where I can give back.

I’ve realized that I have used my insecurities to build a wall between me and other people, preventing me from being vulnerable with them. I confess that I haven’t been 100% authentic, but I can work on that.

The best part is that no matter who I look for to validate me, the Lord has already judged me and calls me His child. There is no greater love than His.

 

It’s taken time, but I’m in a really good place now and I can look back and see God working in my life even then.

 

“And walk in love, as Christ has also loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.” Eph.5:2

I remember my youth pastor preaching on this when I was younger. His main point was that if we love one another, our love will rub off on others like a strong sweet-smelling fragrance, that people can smell Jesus off of you.

Do you smell like Jesus?

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